Losing 50 pounds and feeling worse

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There is nothing worse than when you see a picture of yourself and your mind starts shouting, “Do I really look like that?” That was me. I knew I needed to do something, and so I started running (slowly), eating better, and drinking a lot more water. After about a year, my efforts paid off, and I saw my goal number on the scale.

This was the moment I had dreamed of while running through wind, rain, hills, and miles I would’ve rather been doing almost anything else. This was it, but it didn’t feel like I hoped. I didn’t feel like I had arrived. In fact, I felt the same about the way I looked in pictures that day as I did the day I started my weight loss journey.

That was a tough day.

The brokenness in me that caused me to gain weight wasn’t healed, so losing the weight I had put on wasn’t the solution I needed. It certainly made me healthier physically, but like there almost always is, there was a deeper issue.

The issue was I didn’t think I was worthy of love. I didn’t believe grace was really mine. I didn’t believe I was good enough or important–and that was true no matter what number was on the scale.

If you are trying to lose weight, keep going. The healthy life you are creating is worth the hard work, but remember that it won’t satisfy you. What satisfies is when you settle in your mind that you are not perfect, but you are perfectly loved by your Creator. What satisfies is the peace in your heart that comes from being grateful to live your life–imperfect as it may be. What makes you good enough, important, worthy of love, and full of grace for your failures is the simple fact that God made you. Believe that.

You aren’t what you weigh. You are who God made you to be. Rejoice in that.