How can we learn to walk in strength and wisdom? Counselor Todd Mulliken shares how we can be encouraged and matured in the Gospel. Todd walks through tips for men and women to grow as they relate to each other, in Christ.
Accept a man for who he is.
Affirm a man for what he’s done.
Affection. “Men go from intimacy to emotion. The dilemma is most men enjoy that touch and closeness. The woman initiating affection is really important.”
Attractiveness. Todd clarifies this does not mean a woman needs to make herself attractive but that when she feels attractive, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. When she feels comfortable in her own skin, her husband tends to be more attracted to her.
Accountability. “As a guy, I might just kind of wander. I’m home but not really connecting. It’s really great when women take that on and give some guidance. When the woman is offering that in the marriage it’s a really helpful thing for the fella.”
Pursue. “A lot of times after they’re married, the man stops thinking about her, stops pursuing her. Is the guy on the offense, or just on the defense? When a guy’s on the offense, it’s a beautiful dance.”
Plan. Todd urges men to step up and help plan the couple’s schedule each week.
Parent! “When a couple chooses to have kids, it’s powerful if the male is the gentle, nurturing father instead of the harsh driver.”
Presence. Todd points out that when a man spends a few minutes intentionally connecting with his wife after time apart.
When these practices are neglected, the relationship can be ripe for resentment or even unfaithfulness. Todd urges couples to turn toward each other instead of letting work, stress, and other things in life pull them apart.
What happens when adultery does take place? Todd offers this in summary for how he works with couples.
For the unfaithful spouse: “Have remorse for what you’ve done and reassure them that the affair is over.”
For the wounded spouse: “Choose to trust and choose to forgive.”