Author Deb DeArmond knows the power of choice in marriage; she starts by dismantling the myth that emotions will always be there to carry the relationship forward:
“You stand at the altar thinking ‘Our love is different. Our love will make a way.’ You really don’t have a clue what you’re saying yes to in that moment. When you’re helping aging parents… raising children… couples are vulnerable. Unless we make a conscious choice every day, [things will be rocky].”
- I choose to trust you.
- I choose to no longer bring up your past mistakes.
- I choose to listen to you.
“To listen to someone means ‘I’ll set aside the things I was going to say and do and invest in you.'” Deb shares that she and her husband have developed a system of asking each other for time and attention instead of demanding it. “Listening doesn’t happen accidentally.”
- I choose to get away with you.
Deb and Ron take time each day to sit and debrief on the day in order to reconnect.
- I choose to be generous with you.
Be generous with your time, your service, and your affection.
- I choose to bless you.
- I choose to honor you.
- I choose to celebrate your successes.
“The people who are genuinely connected are those who are not just interested in hearing what you have to say but understanding you.” Seek to understand and appreciate the way God has wired your spouse. That is a choice that will strengthen your love as a couple.